That which doesn’t kill you doesn’t make you stronger, it makes you bitter and cynical.
Patience comes to those who wait.
Our pasts wax while our future wanes.
Life is short… and getting shorter by the minute.
The future; everyone is housed clothed and fed, because everyone is in jail.
Each day goes by so slow but my life goes by so fast.
If you can’t be happy naturally, be happy unnaturally.
The key to productivity is to rotate what you’re avoiding.
One’s expectation is the scriptwriter of one’s experience.
Imagine if we had failed. If we had failed, we wouldn’t be able to imagine it.
If one cup of makes me feel good, then two cups will make me feel better.
I’m wasting time worrying about wasting time.
Do they pick bad art to go in offices, or does an office make the art bad?
“No smoking is allowed”. That’s good, because people shouldn’t have to smoke if they don’t want to.
Somewhere between anticipation and nostalgia we should have been happy.
Everyone on this planet will be dead in 200 years. Old age.
Never, ever drive when you’re drunk. But if you do drive drunk be sure and wear a seat-belt.
The first rule of drinking is that your judgement is impaired so you can’t judge how much your judgement is impaired.
How can an animal with a brain the size of a walnut be more interesting than me?
Speech is free. Talk is cheap.
People are going to stop liking your work if they think it’s phony. You mean I need to be phony so that people will think I’m sincere?
It’s better to have loved and lost than to have loved and caught something.
Unrequited love is like hitting you head against a wall that isn’t there.
The more money I earn the more I need to spend.
I like funerals. You dress up, eat good food, and there is no pressure to enjoy yourself.
When I die I want an apple tree planted over my head. Then when people eat the fruit they’ll be eating me.
Performance art isn’t hit/miss. It’s miss/miss/miss/miss/hit/miss/miss.
Life is a balance of self-indulgence and self-preservation.
You should have waited to shave your head until after you got a new girlfriend.
my body .. abused. my mind .. unhinged / my reality .. maintained. I am happy.
Once a year we celebrate with stupid hats and plastic plates,
the fact that you were able to make another trip around the sun.
And the whole clan gathers round’ gifts and laughter too will bound,
we let out a joyful sound and sing that stupid song.
Happy Birthday, now you´re one year older.
Happy Birthday, your life still isn’t over.
Happy Birthday, you did not accomplish much.
But you didn’t die this year I guess that’s good enough.
So lets drink to your fading health, and hope you don’t remind yourself
your chance of finding fame and wealth decrease with every year.
Does it feel like you´re doing laps, and eating food and taking naps,
and hoping that some day, perhaps, your life will hold some cheer.
Happy Birthday, what have you done that matters?
Happy Birthday, you´re starting to get fatter.
Happy Birthday, it’s downhill from now on.
Try not to remind yourself your best years are all gone.
If cryogenics were all free then you could live like Walt Disney and live
for all eternity inside a block of ice.
But instead your time is set this is the only life you get,
and though it hasen’t ended yet some times you wish it MIGHT!
Happy Birthday, you wish you had more money.
Happy Birthday, your lifes it´s so sad it’s funny.
Happy Birthday, how much more can you take?
But your friends are hungry so just cut the stupid cake.
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Dear….